Tonight I decided to sit down and look at some information for IVF.  I’m desperately trying to learn all the acronyms and information so that I am not clueless. So far… I am clueless. I do actually know what the four in the subject line mean so I guess that is a start!
I have the mock embryo transfer this coming week. It is simple and easy from what I have heard, but I am still nervous.  Thankfully, Kevin is able to go with me to distract me some.  Soon I will have the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test (they will light me up with dye and look for any potential issues).  I am not looking forward to that test!  The good news we have is that they will freeze some of Kevin’s sperm.  This way we will have something to fall back on if something goes wrong in the fall.
I am glad that they are being proactive with everything.  We are getting all of these test out of the way so when we are ready, we are actually ready.  This is a uncanny mix of emotions.  I think we have figured out a roughly estimated time frame for when we want to do the transfer (not sharing the date so we can have some sort of surprise down the road).  It is exciting to think that this time next year we may be in a completely different situation.  It is also scary because nothing is ever guaranteed. We are just going to keep trucking through this and maybe make myself an infertility dictionary in the meantime!  I just hope we can get a picture of when they do the ICSI so we can put it in our children’s baby books.  How amazing would that be to have the very picture of when you started?  Just a clump of cells that look like nothing to the eye.  Maybe that is weird… At least if my kids hate it, I can use it as blackmail in the future?

As scared as I am about this process, I am completely amazed by it too!  How cool would it be to have a job where you literally start life?  I am envious…  but I do not like college that much!

I know a lot of my family and friends read my blog.  I put the definitions of all the weirdo terms so it can help you understand what I am talking about, plus it helps me keep it in my head.

IVF – In Vitro-fertilization – The eggs are taken out and placed into a dish with the sperm, where they do their own thing.

ICSI – Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection – the eggs are injected with a sperm.  This is done when there is not enough normal sperm and what we will be doing.

HSG – Hysterosalpingogram – the test where they put dye into you so they can x-ray and look at your reproductive organs.  They are looking for blockages and any other potential problems.

RE – Reproductive Endocrinologist – fertility doctor

Do you ever just look at a person and wonder, how do they feel?  How does what I just said affect them? How does an event affect them? Is it the same way I feel or am affected? Sometimes I feel so involved in my own emotions, it is almost overwhelming to comprehend what someone else might be feeling.  I often look at my fiancée and I  wonder, how does he feel?  He had a bomb go off right on him… how does that make him feel?  Kevin was blown up.  He was walking and then all of a sudden he wasn’t.  After the IED went off, he looked at himself and saw flesh, blood, and bones sticking out everywhere.  He knew his leg had been blown off.  HOW DOES SOMEONE DEAL WITH THAT?  It baffles me honestly.  How did he decide to keep moving forward after all of this?

After the IED was blown and medic was ready to move him, he was carried by his fellow soldiers to the helicopter to be lifted out.  While in the helicopter they made him keep talking… we know why they wanted him to keep talking and I’m sure he knew why too.  Think about that… laying in a helicopter and having people working on you and making you talk to them so you stay alive.  Can you imagine this?  I can’t.  I can replay what I have seen in movies or on TV.  Those are just actors, they play the part well but they do not know what it is really like.  It makes my mind go crazy thinking that what I’ve seen in movies or the news happened to someone I love. I cannot put myself in his shoes, I cannot understand what it was like for him.   All I know is that somehow he found strength in the deepest and darkest places.

He never quit.  He fought through it all.  He had external fixators putting several pins in one side of his leg and out the other, twice!  It was disgusting looking, but he dealt with it.  Somehow he walked on it.  It was just another bump in the road for him. At one point, his hand was literally sewn on this hip to give it a better blood flow and keep it alive.  Just another bump.  He had around 30 surgeries, and yet again every surgery was just another bump in the road.  He never lost hope, he never gave in;  he knew there was more out there for him and he went for it.

I am so proud of this man.  I’m proud that I get to be his wife. What an honor to spend the rest of your life with someone so loving, inspiring, dedicated, and hard-working.  It bothers me sometimes to think of the things he experienced . We talk about what he says it was like for him and I was there for some of the recovery.  I still don’t know what it was really like though.  All I know is… he won.  He beat the odds and he won.   I am so incredibly proud of him for it!

An x-ray of the external fixator.

The external fixator… or as we call it – the cage of hell.

Cheese arm haha!

Kevin, my fiancée, was injured during his first deployment to Afghanistan.  An IED caused significant damage to his body.  Kevin lost is right leg below the knee, his pinky, and suffered significant damage to his wrist and left leg.  His left leg is covered in skin grafts and shark intergra (that’s right he is part shark now!).  Last year, Kevin had his left ankle fused as a final attempt to save the left leg from amputation.  Kevin, along with the use of an IDEO brace, is able to enjoy life without the significant pain that his ankle as caused him in the past.  Although it still causes problems from time to time, we remain hopeful that the ankle fusion will continue to hold for him!

Kevin retired from military and now lives at home with me.  We live in a home that is not accessible for him.  It is a two level home with a basement.  The bedrooms are upstairs, laundry and storage are in the basement, and the kitchen is on the main floor along with living space.  Our bathroom is not accessible for him at all.  He has to use a portable chair for showering which is really not all that safe day after day.  Living in this home has been emotionally and physically stressful for Kevin.  He always strives to be independent but it is not always possible in our current situation.  He is not able to take a break from the prosthetic at all because the wheelchair cannot fit in our house.  This causes him issues with skin break down on his residual limb.

We recently received some amazing news!!!!!  Homes for Our Troops (www.hfotusa.org) will be building us a home that is completely adapted for Kevin!!Kevin will now have the opportunity to live independently!  We are so excited for such an amazing opportunity.

Homes for Our Troops has treated us like family from the very beginning of this journey.  We are so blessed to have these wonderful people in our lives!  Kevin and I have received so much love and support for this organization.  We are very thankful for this amazing opportunity that they have opened for us!  This opportunity will be a life changer!

We also want to thank everyone who donates, volunteers and shares supportive words with us!  We appreciate it so much and it makes a world of difference! Our new home will be finished in about a year or so!  We are so excited for this new journey!

Along with this post, I attached our video interview with Homes for Our Troops!   I hope you enjoy!