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Monthly Archives: April 2015

He won! Finding strength in unimaginable places

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Do you ever just look at a person and wonder, how do they feel?  How does what I just said affect them? How does an event affect them? Is it the same way I feel or am affected? Sometimes I feel so involved in my own emotions, it is almost overwhelming to comprehend what someone else might be feeling.  I often look at my fiancée and I  wonder, how does he feel?  He had a bomb go off right on him… how does that make him feel?  Kevin was blown up.  He was walking and then all of a sudden he wasn’t.  After the IED went off, he looked at himself and saw flesh, blood, and bones sticking out everywhere.  He knew his leg had been blown off.  HOW DOES SOMEONE DEAL WITH THAT?  It baffles me honestly.  How did he decide to keep moving forward after all of this?

After the IED was blown and medic was ready to move him, he was carried by his fellow soldiers to the helicopter to be lifted out.  While in the helicopter they made him keep talking… we know why they wanted him to keep talking and I’m sure he knew why too.  Think about that… laying in a helicopter and having people working on you and making you talk to them so you stay alive.  Can you imagine this?  I can’t.  I can replay what I have seen in movies or on TV.  Those are just actors, they play the part well but they do not know what it is really like.  It makes my mind go crazy thinking that what I’ve seen in movies or the news happened to someone I love. I cannot put myself in his shoes, I cannot understand what it was like for him.   All I know is that somehow he found strength in the deepest and darkest places.

He never quit.  He fought through it all.  He had external fixators putting several pins in one side of his leg and out the other, twice!  It was disgusting looking, but he dealt with it.  Somehow he walked on it.  It was just another bump in the road for him. At one point, his hand was literally sewn on this hip to give it a better blood flow and keep it alive.  Just another bump.  He had around 30 surgeries, and yet again every surgery was just another bump in the road.  He never lost hope, he never gave in;  he knew there was more out there for him and he went for it.

I am so proud of this man.  I’m proud that I get to be his wife. What an honor to spend the rest of your life with someone so loving, inspiring, dedicated, and hard-working.  It bothers me sometimes to think of the things he experienced . We talk about what he says it was like for him and I was there for some of the recovery.  I still don’t know what it was really like though.  All I know is… he won.  He beat the odds and he won.   I am so incredibly proud of him for it!

An x-ray of the external fixator.

An x-ray of the external fixator.

The external fixator... or as we call it - the cage of hell.

The external fixator… or as we call it – the cage of hell.

Cheese arm haha!

Cheese arm haha!

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The beginning of our journey with war related infertility

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Kevin & I have made a decision to be open about our struggles.  We believe that only with that openness, can change occur.  Most people know about the injuries that Kevin endured in Afghanistan… an amputated leg below the knee, missing pinky, mangled wrist, and a mangled left leg.  He is lucky to be alive.  Those injuries resulted in 2.5 years of recovery at Walter Reed.  However, there is one injury that has not been talked about much.  This injury could cost us the ability to have a family.  If it wasn’t for advancements in science, that would be definite.  One of his testicles was severally damaged in the blast; it resulted in it having to be removed.  He was on testosterone replacement for years because of it.  Recently, he has undergone tests to find out fertility levels.  The results are not pretty and borderline heartbreaking. Anything under 10 million sperm is considered low.  We are talking about a couple of 100 sperm in our situation.  The reason this happened…war.

The armor that soldiers wear has a protective Kevlar diaper(sounds funny I know, but it works) for protection.  However, the Kevlar diaper does protect them if the blast shoots straight up into their groin.  However in Kevin’s case and how he was striding, as the IED exploded, the blast crept up his leg into enough of an opening to damage groin area.  Had he not been wearing this diaper, the damage would have been even more devastating. The IED’s are set to mangle you; they want you to survive but suffer.  It is sick and it is twisted, but it is the reality.  I am thankful for the thousands of soldiers that show their strength when it was meant to be taken away from them.

Thousands of soldiers have experienced this type of injury, leading to infertility.  Many young military families who were planning to have children are now wondering how their life long dream can come true.  This is not just happening to one or two couples a year, it is several hundred a year, which is adding up to thousands during this war. Some soldiers going to war are only 18 years old, they haven’t even thought of a family yet. The idea of a family is robbed from them before it is even a reality for them.  It is a real problem.  If I knew someone going for deployment now, I would highly recommend freezing some sperm.  The ability to have a family is valued significantly.  When that is taken away from you, it is devastating.  It is worth the precaution in my opinion.

Kevin and I want to start our family soon after getting married.  We’ve already started the process of determining how this is going to be possible for us.  We’ve been told by Walter Reed that we will require IVF in order to conceive a child.  In the middle of April, we have a consultation with Shady Grove Fertility.

The best part… Tricare and the VA Specifically EXCLUDE all fertility treatments.  The cost of the treatments (which runs from $7,000 to $20,000) is completely on the solider and the family. It does not matter to the VA why the infertility is present.  It is simply not covered.  For the soldiers who are only suffering infertility as a result of their war injuries, thousands of dollars will be needed to hopefully make it happen.  To make their dream of having a family a reality will completely depend on their financial situation.  All families should be financially comfortable before having children.  But in this case, being financially ready is not similar to a family who conceives naturally.  It is forking out thousands of dollars before the child is even conceived!   I’ve heard people say… why not adopt?  My response to those people would be, have you considered the cost of adoption?  Also, the want and need to carry your own child can be unbearable.  It does not simply go away.  Plus when so much else has been taken from you, this is just another blow.  Every family deserves to have a family the way they choose.  It saddens and stresses me that Kevin & I will be faced with significant financial obligations in order to have our family.  However, we both agree, it will be worth it.

I will be sharing our story with fertility while we experience it.  We are sharing this to make people aware that this is a real problem.  Our government refuses to recognize it.  Men and woman who fight for us should not face significant financial obligations to have their families, if a war injury caused their infertility. We will be meeting with government officials to get their support with changing the laws that make it this way.  We will be asking for support in the future with issue and we hope you can add your voice!  Our hope is that by sharing such personal stories, we can make a difference for other people facing the same problems.  Our injured soldiers deserve the same opportunity to have the family that they could have had before their injuries.  We know the change will not come soon enough for us; but hopefully, we can help initiate change for others.

baby feet

HFOT – Thankful for amazing people!

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Kevin, my fiancée, was injured during his first deployment to Afghanistan.  An IED caused significant damage to his body.  Kevin lost is right leg below the knee, his pinky, and suffered significant damage to his wrist and left leg.  His left leg is covered in skin grafts and shark intergra (that’s right he is part shark now!).  Last year, Kevin had his left ankle fused as a final attempt to save the left leg from amputation.  Kevin, along with the use of an IDEO brace, is able to enjoy life without the significant pain that his ankle as caused him in the past.  Although it still causes problems from time to time, we remain hopeful that the ankle fusion will continue to hold for him!

Kevin retired from military and now lives at home with me.  We live in a home that is not accessible for him.  It is a two level home with a basement.  The bedrooms are upstairs, laundry and storage are in the basement, and the kitchen is on the main floor along with living space.  Our bathroom is not accessible for him at all.  He has to use a portable chair for showering which is really not all that safe day after day.  Living in this home has been emotionally and physically stressful for Kevin.  He always strives to be independent but it is not always possible in our current situation.  He is not able to take a break from the prosthetic at all because the wheelchair cannot fit in our house.  This causes him issues with skin break down on his residual limb.

We recently received some amazing news!!!!!  Homes for Our Troops (www.hfotusa.org) will be building us a home that is completely adapted for Kevin!!Kevin will now have the opportunity to live independently!  We are so excited for such an amazing opportunity.

Homes for Our Troops has treated us like family from the very beginning of this journey.  We are so blessed to have these wonderful people in our lives!  Kevin and I have received so much love and support for this organization.  We are very thankful for this amazing opportunity that they have opened for us!  This opportunity will be a life changer!

We also want to thank everyone who donates, volunteers and shares supportive words with us!  We appreciate it so much and it makes a world of difference! Our new home will be finished in about a year or so!  We are so excited for this new journey!

Along with this post, I attached our video interview with Homes for Our Troops!   I hope you enjoy!